{"id":3892,"date":"2025-12-10T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-12-10T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/?p=3892"},"modified":"2025-12-09T18:51:38","modified_gmt":"2025-12-09T23:51:38","slug":"red-lights-green-lights-dear-cordia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/2025\/12\/10\/red-lights-green-lights-dear-cordia\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Cordia, an Imaginary Gardens Advice Column: The Twisted Game of Red Light Green Light"},"content":{"rendered":"
This entry is part 5 of 5 in the series Dear Cordia<\/a><\/div>\n
By Cordia Paxson, The Pantheress<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Seeing relationship flags is like speeding through a Christmas light show, or playing a horrible, twisted game of \u201cRed Light, Green Light\u201d led by the most annoying person who leaves no breath in between orders. I don’t know about you, but relationships these days often have my head spinning with all these flashing flags and starts and stops. I often find myself torn between giving a person grace for their red flags versus acknowledging the behavior and leaving the relationship. So, what are red and green flags? How do you tell the difference? How do you deal with red flags once exposed? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, lucky for you, you came to the right place (wink). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In friendships, family relationships, workplace relationships, and, most commonly, in romantic relationships, it is common to experience some of these red and green flags. It is important to remember that you are ultimately the judge of how your relationships make you feel; however, we should never excuse people for making us feel uncomfortable or \u201cicky\u201d in any way.  So, how do you tell? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, first, there is a difference between butterflies and anxiety. It is a common misconception that \u201cbutterflies in your stomach\u201d are a good thing when they can actually be a sign of anxiety. The person you love should make you feel relaxed yet excited, not anxious. Remember that your body usually recognizes bad situations and anxiety before your brain and heart do, so look out for signs like heart palpitations, headaches, trembling, diarrhea (gross, I know, I\u2019m sorry), restlessness, irritability, and difficulty concentrating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can also recognize red and green flags from simply witnessing other people’s relationships. Sometimes the best way of learning is by trial and error and, luckily for you, you can do that by observation. Another great way of noticing flags in people is by listening to what your friends or family think about your partner. Also, be honest with yourself about whether you like or don’t like hanging out with them. If you don\u2019t, then what is even the point? Regardless of the relationship type, you will want to spend time with someone who is a green flag and, more often than not, your friends and family will want to, as well. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When all else fails, rely on the tried-and-true pros and cons list. If your con\/red flag list is longer than your pro\/green flag list, well, I hate to break it to you, but I think you need to get out of that relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With the help of Santa\u2019s Elves (aka the student body), we have combined a list of some common and some not-so-common red and green flags for your enjoyment, observation, and to help with your pros and cons list selection. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Christmas
Christmas lights in Sweetwater, TN | James Cochran<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
The Red Flags (cue scary 80s synth music)\u00a0<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
The Common Ones:<\/h5>\n\n\n\n