{"id":6630,"date":"2026-09-30T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-09-30T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/?p=6630"},"modified":"2026-09-29T13:51:50","modified_gmt":"2026-09-29T17:51:50","slug":"dear-cordia-an-imaginary-gardens-advice-column-cordiahes-just-not-into-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/2026\/09\/30\/dear-cordia-an-imaginary-gardens-advice-column-cordiahes-just-not-into-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Cordia, an Imaginary Gardens Advice Column: Cordia\u2026He\u2019s Just Not Into You"},"content":{"rendered":"
This entry is part 7 of 7 in the series Dear Cordia<\/a><\/div>\n
By Cordia Paxton<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

After last week’s submission (which you can read here<\/a>), I started really thinking about the infamous \u201csituationship\u201d that the greater population is finding itself fighting these days. The word situationship first began being used in the early 2000s and, after gaining enough traction, it was added to Urban Dictionary in 2014. Today, the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines \u201cSituationship\u201d as \u201can informal romantic or sexual relationship<\/a>.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I recently got out of the worst situationship of my life. And while it still feels a little raw, I am mostly just fed up with trying to find a healthy relationship. It sounds and feels very pessimistic coming from someone who has always lived life as a hopeless romantic. But more on that later, since I know you\u2019re just dying to hear the nitty-gritty of what happened with me and this man-child I\u2019ll call Connor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Connor first followed me on Instagram about two and a half months ago. Being a pretty private person on socials, I usually don\u2019t let random people follow me if I don\u2019t already know them, but something about Connor felt different (there\u2019s that hopeless romantic in me), and I accepted his request and followed him back. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few hours later, Connor sent me a DM. Just a casual \u201chello, I think you are stunning,\u201d and I was sold. He asked for my snap, explaining that he was worried asking for my number would be \u201ctoo much, too fast.\u201d Giving it to him was my first rookie mistake, but we spent the first two weeks snapping and talking whenever we could. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
The Embrace | Egon Schiele, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

He planned a date as soon as we were both available, and the date seemed to be going well (outside of him showing up in gym clothes). I still can\u2019t quite pinpoint exactly where it started going downhill, but about a month after our first date, I couldn\u2019t get him to make plans with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now I know you are probably thinking, \u201cCordia\u2026he\u2019s just not into you,\u201d and I too would have thought that if he had given me any reason to believe it. He was still talking to me like he was interested, telling me that he thought I was beautiful, that he liked me, and wanted to spend time with me. He just couldn\u2019t because he was busy. And busy he was\u2026 busy playing golf and wasting my time. After the fourth canceled date, I was over it.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I keep going back and forth about blocking him, and I probably should; I just can\u2019t bring myself to do it. Either way, it’s not like he\u2019s reaching out to me, and I refuse to waste one more moment of my life on him. I thought that going no contact would be the hardest part, but I\u2019ve realized it\u2019s harder to sit knowing that he is not going to reach out and that I really mean nothing to him after almost three months of promises. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, why am I telling you all this?<\/em> Because we all<\/em> go through this. And if you haven\u2019t before, consider yourself one of the very, very lucky few. Situationships puzzle me. I find my thoughts circling round and round until I am right back at the start, confused about why we think treating people this way is okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not just women who go through this too. I have a few male friends who have expressed the same frustrations. One of my friends, a student here at Pellissippi State Community College, has made a point in conversation about this topic that when other guys treat women like this, women end up not being able to trust the guys who want to treat them right, and the cycle just continues.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When asking around campus about how this has impacted people, another friend of mine stated, \u201cTo put it simply, it is relationship energy between two people without relationship clarity. For the most part, they are inconsistent. Nothing is promised, yet everything feels implied. Love without clarity creates anxiety. And in my opinion, either you define it, or you leave it. It\u2019s either love, or it isn\u2019t. And whether it is or it isn\u2019t needs to be clarified pretty early on in the talking stage. Otherwise, it could leave the other party feeling hurt.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
In bed – the kiss | Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I think an important thing to remember when you find yourself on the hurt side of a situationship is that there is a reason that when you combine the words situation and relationship, the relation part disappears. Because that is the truth of this pandemic of bad romance: there is no connection between the two parties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While I can\u2019t provide you with much advice if you enjoy putting others in this position, besides \u201cget therapy,\u201d I can console and provide a few words of wisdom to those of you who have been wounded by this selfish behavior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of my closest friends tells me, \u201cSituationships never<\/em> lead to relationships.\u201d If a relationship is what you seek, save yourself the heartbreak and stay far, far away from situationships. \u201cBut Cordia, he\u2019s so<\/em> pretty! And so sweet!\u201d Listen to me. We have all been victims of pretty, seemingly sweet men. A person who wants you will be available, will make time for you, and will create clarity, not confusion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, I am not perfect (clearly). I struggle with relationships as much as the next person; that\u2019s why I created Dear Cordia. To give people the space to relate to mistakes and frustrations alike. We are all more similar than you think.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cordia Paxson<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Disclaimer: Heartbreak hurts and can be dangerous when not dealt with properly. Getting support from friends, family, or a counselor when navigating relationships is vital. This article is for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling or crisis support. If you are experiencing a personal crisis, emotional distress, or feel you may need counseling, please reach out to the Pellissippi State Counseling Services<\/strong> at counseling@pstcc.edu<\/strong> <\/strong>or call 865.694.6480<\/strong> <\/strong>for support. If you are in immediate crisis, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline<\/strong> at 988<\/strong> to connect with help right away. Additionally, if you are in an unsafe situation, please call the Pellissippi State Campus Police<\/strong> at 865.694.6649,<\/strong> available 24\/7. As a reminder, campus police encourage students to add this number to phone contacts in the case of an emergency. You can also text \u201cPSCCTIPS\u201d<\/strong> to 67283<\/strong> for an Anonymous Safety Tip<\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This entry is part 7 of 7 in the series Dear Cordia<\/a><\/div>

By Cordia Paxton After last week’s submission (which you can read here), I started really thinking about the infamous \u201csituationship\u201d that the greater population is finding itself fighting these days….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":6513,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"series":[46],"class_list":["post-6630","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","series-ask-cordia"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6630","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6630"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6630\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6652,"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6630\/revisions\/6652"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6513"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6630"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6630"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6630"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imaginarygardens.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=6630"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}